Cold-proof marriage

November 16, 2017 in #parenting | | | Share on Google+


I can't believe it's mid-November already! Where did all the time go?? :)

This has been a tough week for me. First, I don't deal well with the cold and the dark. This is traditionally the time when my fuse gets shorter and I snap more at the kids and the hubby. Note there's no happy outdoor pictures to share this week. And yes, a week of no exercise can put me over the edge. :(

A couple of years ago in the depth of winter, I dragged, begged, convinced my husband to go to marriage counseling. "We are not in trouble, we just need a tune-up," I told him. "You know, to go from a 7 to a 10." ;-)

My saint of a husband went along. He doesn't see the need, but he'd like me to be happy.

We both learned a lot and he now sings the praise for counseling to other couples. Among the things we learned:

1) Appreciate each other - I know it's obvious but it's so easy to forget when you're a busy parent!

Our first exercise was taking time to thank each other. E.g. for making dinner, taking out the trash, or putting kids to bed. We realized both of us has tasks in the house that the other one didn't even know about.

2) Mind reading doesn't work - I was told I can't expect my husband to know how I feel... even if I think it's oh-so obvious. ;-) Instead I have to spell out how I feel.

3) Plan ahead for tricky situations. - We realized we enjoy people and hanging out with others, but we also often get upset when e.g. traveling or meeting up with others. Now we know to talk about our goals for trips, and set aside alone time, e.g. date nights for just the two of us.

4) Believe in good intentions - Sometimes we get stuck in a state of mind where we attribute unkind motive to behavior. This is the root of a lot of problems! Then mis-understanding compounds and boom you have a big fight. So when in doubt... believe in the good.

That last one happens not just with our spouse but well, with friends and coworkers and family too. Good thought with Thanksgiving coming up. ;-)

Good news is this weekend is warmer than the last:

November 16, 2017 in #parenting | | | Share on Google+